


Sky Full of Stars

by katieh28



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Headcanon, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8991193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katieh28/pseuds/katieh28
Summary: Lip deals with Monica's death, in his own way.





	

Lip couldn't honestly say he was surprised when he got the call.

Well, of course there was the initial shock, the crushing realization that one of his parents was gone from this world and never coming back.

And then he remembered that Monica was never a parent, never his mother, not in any way that mattered. He downed half a bottle of vodka in a few gulps, ignoring the burn. He was always ignoring the burn, it seemed.

Still, he wished it had been fucking Frank.

 _One down, one more to go_. Lip laughed bitterly to himself, finishing his bottle of vodka and tossing it out into the street, right in the middle of the road. Maybe a car would run over it, maybe that car would pop a tire, maybe there'd be an accident and the whole damn thing would go up in flames.

Lip briefly considered going out into the street and retrieving it, but fuck that.

That was just the Gallagher legacy, he figured. Starting fires they can't put out, starting fires _we_ can't put out. He used to think of the Gallagher's as two separate entities entirely: there was the Gallagher family, which consisted of him and his siblings, and then there were the two steaming piles of Gallagher shit that were Frank and Monica. They certainly weren't The Brady Bunch, Lip and his siblings, but they were no Frank and Monica. He liked to think they were better- not even good, but _better-_ and for a while they were.

Lip went down to the river by the E train and sat down, pulling out a pack of smokes and his lighter.

Lip sat back with his cigarette and looked up at the stars. Well, not that there were really any stars out that night. The night air was foggy and warm, and the sky was as dark as he'd ever seen it.

Still, Lip searched the sky, looking for stars, because there had to be  _one._

Lip searched and searched the sky, probably because he was motherfucking crazy, but also because there had to be one; there had to be.

Eventually, Lip found his star.

There was only one tiny little speck of a star, and it was barely visible in the dark, foggy, cloud-covered sky.

It might've been beautiful, Lip thought, if the thing ever had a chance.

But the sky around it was just too dark, too fucking dark, and that was just the way it fucking was.

Lip turned away, bowing his head  and looking down at the river below him. The river was murky, littered with garbage and wrappers and discarded bottles of booze, but Lip thought he could see his reflection.

He looked like an old man, he thought. In the murky river, the face staring back at him was old and scraggly. The face staring back at him was dirty; skinny, with ratty, long blonde hair.

"This is who you are," he said, his voice harsh, scraggly. Lip closed his eyes, took a deep breath.

"Don't try to run from where you came from," Frank said, slurring his words.

"Fuck you, Frank," Lip said, picking up a rock from the ground and throwing it violently into the river.

"Fuck you too, then," Frank replied, his face still clearly visible in the murky water. "If I'm fucked, you're fucked. Don't you get it? Don't you understand we're _family?"_

"Maybe in blood," Lip muttered, staring up at the sky, silently praying he wasn't losing his fucking mind. Hopefully it was just the alcohol.

Lip shifted his gaze back to the river and sure enough, Frank was still there. He was _always_ fucking still there.

"Exactly," Frank said, smiling away. Just the way he said it- the way he smiled- it made Lip sick to his stomach.

"You're my blood," Frank said, staring right into Lip's eyes. Lip tried to look away, but he fucking _couldn't._ "I'll always be a part of you, my son. Always."

Lip suddenly clutched his stomach, and with one dramatic heave he threw up violently into the river. Lip squeezed his eyes shut, felt the familiar burning.

He needed another fucking drink, and he needed it now.

When Lip finished puking up his guts, he finally opened his eyes. Frank was gone.

Lip laughed to himself. _Frank was never gone_.

He shook his head, tears burning at the corner of his eyes, face burning, body burning, _burning._

_Monica would never be gone, either._

Monica might have been dead, but she was fucking _everywhere._

Lip put his head in his hands and glanced back up at the sky.

He couldn't see the star anymore.

He knew it was up there; he could feel it. He knew it was up there trying to shine, but God- what chance did it have?

Lip finally put away his packet of cigarette, got up off the ground and started ambling back towards the E Train. He walked through dark, abandoned alleys and empty streets. He walked by the vodka bottle he had tossed into the road. By now, it was just a pile of glass shards. He wondered if someone had run over it, who had run over it, how much destruction it had caused.

Lip looked up at the sky one more time.

Not a single fucking star.

_Fucking Monica._

 

 


End file.
